Marriage is a partnership. The good, bad and yes, even the ugly.
In 2016, The Hutson house has seen LOTS of God’s goodness and His blessings, we’ve even seen some bad. We’ve even lived through some “ugly.”
But whatever the situation- we choose to face it together. As a team.
Recently Yvonne faced some uncertain health issues.
In September, Doctors found 5 tumors and on the day of her biopsy, (to see if any of the tumors were cancerous), I went in the room WITH her.
Was I uncomfortable? Yes, because I don’t handle hospitals and Doctor exams all that great. However, I went in the room anyway.
I put on my “big boy pants” and stood right there next to her and held her hand.
Why? Do I think I’m Superman? No. Do I think my presence is extraordinary? No, but I wanted Yvonne to know that I was going to be right there and we are a team.
We face LIFE together. We prayed together, reach out to close friends for prayer and believed God for the outcome.
Three weeks went by and though the tumors were not cancerous, they still called for an emergency hysterectomy.
We praise God that through this time, Yvonne and I grew closer together.
I can only speak from a man’s point of view.
I believe some men think if they aren’t LIVING it, then it’s not reality. Some men struggle with showing and dealing with their emotions. Maybe it’s because we are almost programmed to be tough and to not show weakness.
Am I weak? Oh, yes. But my love for my wife and children overshadow my fear of the unknown. I would rather be uncomfortable than to allow my wife or children to think they are facing LIFE…alone.
Men: get in the room. Not JUST the physical room; doctors office, but the situation that your wife is facing.
Let her know that YOU will be right there to hold her hand and you will be strong when she is weak.
As this year winds down, I can’t help but shake my head at all that has transpired over the last 12 months. Our family has been from one extreme to the other it seems. We have experienced huge highs and swings to extreme lows. I can’t think of another year of our lives that has carried such distance on the heart of our family.
We experienced pride as our son worked so hard to get into college and to do so with such high honors. We experienced our youngest our standing up to “friends” who became bullies because she stood firm in her faith of God. We saw God show her she can find new friends who respect her beliefs even if they don’t agree with her. We have experienced our oldest & our granddaughter make a life for themselves that is full of love. Our family waited multiple weeks praying on my test results, dealing with the fear of my surgery and then recovery. Our family walked beside Bryan as he made tough choices and ultimately a career shift. Lastly, all of us have been heartbroken over hurt hearts and feelings of betrayal either by family, friends or coworkers. Shew! That leaves me breathless to be honest.
I can’t speak for the rest of The Hutson home but for me, personally, I am grateful. I am grateful how God puts life back into proper perspective for me. I am grateful that in my time of fear my husband was literally right beside me. Bryan was in the room. He was in the room when the doctor told me one of my worst fears. He was in the room with me ( holding my hand) as I had biopsies and laid there with tears streaming down my face. He was with me until I was out of sight down the hallway to the OR. He was in the operating room on the handwritten scriptures on index cards. He was there when I opened my eyes after surgery. I will never forget that moment. Ever. I will always remember that look. I was never alone. It was a gift.
Bryan is my “William Wallace”. He fights for me and with me. I needed him to just let me be a girl. I needed to not be so brave and not be so strong; just for a moment. I needed to be close to him emotionally and spiritually. He did that- perfectly. There was not one moment that he was not “there”. I believe that is God at work. God answering our daily prayers that were specific. We prayed for oneness. We prayed to be connected and to be drawn closer to one another.
I guess I’m asking each one of you, as you reminisce, as 2016 comes to a close to do a little self check. Ask yourself if YOU have been “in the room” with the ones you love? It’s one thing to be there for someone. It’s another all together different to experience as much of the joy or pain as you possibly can to understand and literally walk it with them. My hope is that my family feels like I’ve done that for them. Honestly, though, I can do better. I can take more time. I could slow myself down a little more. I can listen more. I can just be still more and “in the room” more. Can you?
Communicate. Discuss the plan when facing a situation. How are we going to handle it? Make a plan and work the plan. Be very specific about what you need from your spouse. They may think you need something when the reality is you need something entirely different. Be clear.
Commit. No ONE gets to “check out” or disconnect just because it’s difficult. Do what you have committed to your spouse with actions. It’s difficult for everyone involved. Your spouse will feel alone and abandoned if you withdraw emotionally.
Conquer. You can win, even when it seems hopeless if you are fighting together. Promise each other that you will hold each other up when the other is weak or afraid. Be sure to do your part, though. Leaving one spouse to tow the line is unfair. Do it together.
Bryan & Yvonne Hutson2016
Rescue Me Ministries