The Fourth of July has always been one of my personal favorite holidays. Mainly because my birthday is the day before! (Blatant hint!)
No, every July 4th, America celebrates our Independence!
Being FREE is something to be celebrated!
Everyone wants to be FREE! While there’s nothing wrong with being free, we’re told from a very early age from society, teachers, counselors, even parents that “you need to be an individual and be independent!” “Be yourself!”
While I DO agree with that Philosophy to a degree, in the fact that we can be different and not have to conform to someone else’s standards, I believe we are not teaching and modeling the TEAM principle in marriage. Many married couples have taken the idea that we can be married but NOT be dependent on our spouse.
Yvonne and I are one unit. We don’t keep secrets. That’s part of who we are. We are individuals but we are NOT independent of one another.
We share the same social media page and she has access to every page that I am administrator on. She is able to read each and every message and comment. This is so that there are no secrets. This is also so we are viewed to the WORLD as one unit.
When Y and I first began dating, and even afterwards, there were moments and instances that she struggled with allowing me to “do” things for her, because of her independent nature. However, she has allowed me to help her over the last few years.
Many couples have separate bank accounts, Facebook accounts, friends, hobbies and I even know of some couples that don’t even attend the same church! I’ve heard the expression “He/She has his/her life, I have mine.” Speaking of Facebook…I have noticed a couple of ladies with “questionable motives” have NOT sent me friend requests, when they DID send requests to other friends of mine. Was it maybe because Y and I have a joint account? Hmmm?
..and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one..”
I’m not saying that we need to be so dependent on our spouse that we can’t function or live, but we should strive to be “one unit.” We should be able to leverage our strengths and have the “team” mindset.
We should also strive to be dependable TO our spouse. Our mate should be able to depend on us to be that “constant” when the world is in chaos and is CONSTANTLY changing.
Your wife should always know that you are FIGHTING for her and behind your relationship with God, that SHE is number 1.
Being dependent on another person is against my self-protective nature. I’ve been left to fend for myself more than the average bear. I learned early on that, unfortunately, a person’s responsibility and promises may not hold fast when the rubber meets the road.
When it comes to our marriage the dependency I have for Bryan, honestly, still is against the grain for me sometimes. There are often times I wish I wasn’t so dependent. I remind myself though that I do believe 200% in the way The Lord intended marriage to work.
My first thought is that it’s s great responsibility laid on our husbands to love & protect us. It all starts and ends with them. Handing over our hearts completely will not happen unless our husbands handle them with great care. The first time they don’t? We instinctively want to take them back.
Our responsibility must start with clearly stating what love & protection looks and feels like to us. Trust me- they don’t always know. It is also communicating it ahead of time; not in the heat of an argument. Next is suppressing our need to find solace outside our marriage FIRST. I’m not saying girlfriends aren’t great and a needed part of life. I’m saying that your husband should be your BEST friend. He should be the one who knows your deepest hurts & joys. Lastly, on the subject of friends, if they jump in and tell you you’re always right & he’s always wrong when you discuss marital issues with them. Get new friends. You should surround yourself with friends who want to see your marriage succeed and tell you like it is impartially.
You need to be okay with other people thinking you’re “whipped”. If you’re not, then you have one foot in your marriage and one foot outside of your marriage. I could care less if others think we are sappy or ridiculous. I am married to my best friend and wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m grateful.
My last suggestion is over communicate with your husband. Don’t overwhelm him with chatter. You need to clearly communicate you long to be connected and close with him. You should tell him ways he has made you feel that way and how it makes you feel when you don’t feel as connected. Now ladies, do this in a transparent , non accusatory or belittling manner. Be sincere.
” Every man wakes up every day and wants to be their wife’s William Wallace today.” ~ Bryan Hutson
Ladies, give your husband the opportunity to be your hero. Ladies, give your husband the opportunity to feel like they make a difference in your life. Lastly, give your husband the opportunity to feel needed by you.
Do you see yourself as independent of your spouse? Do your friends know you AND your spouse?
Do you purposely have hobbies and likes to “distance” yourself from your spouse? You can have a hobby but why not attempt to enjoy that hobby WITH your spouse? Allowing your spouse to join in with you in your hobby, may develop some “bonding time” that you may otherwise NOT have.
“You cannot be “one” with your spouse, if you only live for yourself.”
Marriage is a partnership where two people join together and give 100% of their selves to each other.
Strive everyday to grow in Christ and in your marriage.
The Hutson’s 2015