| Reading is a favourite past time of mine, though I find that I’m mostly reading a computer monitor these days. However, I recently read, “The Five People You Meet In Heaven”, a novel by Mitch Albom, author of “Tuesdays with Morrie”. The book is an interesting piece of fiction with one overriding nugget of truth: we leave a lasting effect on every person we come into contact with. I was thinking about this the other day while driving to work along yet another detour in my usual route. The town I live in has been a hot spot of controversy over the last few weeks, as aboriginal protestors have taken over a large tract of land and blocked off the roadways around it. This has resulted in a tremendously increased police presence, heightened tensions between aboriginals and non-aboriginals in town, decreased traffic flow and diminished business revenue. Plus, it increases my travel time by at least ten minutes as I try to find my way southwest out of town. Detours take commuters through residential areas filled with children and on roads not created for high volumes of traffic. Numerous accidents have occurred and more roads are closed; my travel time increases and I’m late for work again. I could go into the history of why this is happening, but this is not the forum, nor was that the connection I was making in my mind while my foot got even heavier on the gas pedal. The domino effect of how we are all interconnected never ceases to amaze me. Decades ago, some people made an agreement over a land tract, which almost 200 years later, has caused strife and dissension among hundreds of aboriginals and townspeople. Because of blockades and unrest, fewer commuters pass through our little town, and those who live here spend as little time as possible on the streets and in the shops. People are going out of business today who had no connection at all with that first transaction. And I am late for work yet again with a semi-plausible excuse: a shady deal from the 1800’s. As we realize how we are all interconnected by our contact with each other, the tendency arises to look at the negative things around us and point to someone else as their cause. Isn’t it interesting how we like to find a scapegoat for whatever is wrong, upsetting or even just uncomfortable in our lives? We blame our parents, our teachers, the kid who pulled your hair in fifth grade, and the coffee shop girl who returned incorrect change the other day. And where does this get us? I guess the ultimate reason is to relieve ourselves of the responsibility of where we are in our lives right now. And to some extent, what happened to us in our past has shaped us into who we are. But we can’t let that affect us from this point forward. Often it’s God who we point to as the “Scapegoat”. We try to convince ourselves that it’s His fault our lives have turned out this way, it’s His fault all these things have happened, and it’s His fault that nothing is going right. It’s also easier to blame things on Him if we are not following His path as closely as we should. I fell into that trap quickly with a recent situation in my own life. I knew there were things in my world He was pointing to that I needed to change. I’d been avoiding this because I was rather comfortable with where I was, even though I knew it wasn’t pleasing to Him. However, I couldn’t stand the distance I was feeling in my relationship with my Lord, so I finally gave things over to Him. The tattered areas of my life were straightened up, but in my mind, I’d also made a deal: If I make these things right, then God should give me something I wanted. When that didn’t happen, I blamed Him. But it didn’t take me long to realize that you don’t make “deals” with God. I knew I needed to assume responsibility for things in my life when I messed them up. And just as His love is not dependent on whether I sin or not, His blessing is not a tradable commodity, dependent on my current whims. My relationships with people I come into contact with cannot be translated into transactions either. Since we are commanded to “love one another”, that love cannot be dependent on what I can get out of the relationship. The Bible tells us to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, not as they actually “do” unto you. If I forever hold onto grudges of what has been done to me in the past, determined to mete out restitution from everyone I meet, that leaves me forever grasping instead of giving. And that leads to a very empty, solitary life. Relationship is one of those words that scare people because it seems so huge, demanding, and full of commitment. What I’ve come to learn is that everyone we come into contact with, we impact in ways we don’t realize, and a connection is made whether we like it or not. That kindergarten teacher whose name you’ll never forget, the policeman who gave you your first speeding ticket, and even the check-out boy who put your bread at the bottom of the bag; all of these people have touched your life just as you have touched theirs. And it can be sad when we realize we’ve made a negative impact on someone when it could have been just as easy to for that impact to have been positive. If you are anything like me, you find this business of relationships to be a tangled mess at times. It’s at those times I’m blessed to be surrounded by people who are much better at relating than I. People who know when I need my space and love me in spite of it. Earlier this month I was in a place where life was almost unmanageable. Like the aboriginals who put up their blockade to draw attention to problems that needed to be rectified, I began to withdraw behind my own barriers. What needed to be fixed in my life were things between God and I, but I needed space and quiet for that to happen. I also needed the love and prayers of my friends that didn’t push or pry, but just continued to be there to let me know they cared. How awesome to receive an encouraging phone call or email, not to meddle or preach, but just to ask how things were going, and tell me I was being thought of. As much as I realize the importance of relationship and genuinely caring for those around me, I often get so caught up in myself that I forget that anyone else is there. Or in my concern I will talk too much, or make assumptions that aren’t entirely accurate. I am honoured to have friends who extend grace and don’t keep track of my failures. And I’m humbled to know that God doesn’t keep track either, and extends His forgiveness when I mess up in my relationship with Him. I know when I get to Heaven I’ll meet a lot of people whose lives touched mine here on earth. Whether or not the first five will be like Mitch Albom suggests, I don’t know. But I know I’ll be surprised at who I’ve connected with, and the way we impacted each other. I hope as I mature in Christ, that my relationships will reflect more of Him and less of my “dealing”, selfish nature. The boundaries I erect can only bring a negative response from those who must detour around my barricades. As I look out my window this evening, I can see the beginning of peace and the dismantling of blockades. I know there is hope for this civil unrest in my town. And I know as we grow and mature in Christ, He will lead us to the place where His love allows us to have freedom from the need to erect barriers in our lives. And our relationships can then be honest and open, causing no injury, and leaving fewer scars in the lives of others. Then we won’t have sad surprises in Heaven when we realize the marks we left on others. And there will be fewer tears for our Lord to wipe from our eyes, both in the future, and in the here-and-now. |
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| Reality Check |
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| Freedom from Blame and Barricades |
| by Lorraine Walker |
| Reality Check Bio – Lorraine Walker
Born and raised in southern Ontario, Canada, Lorraine Walker has been interested and involved in Southern Gospel Music since the mid-80's. As part of a ladies' trio, she became more familiar with this style of music and the people that made it popular, and began writing occasional articles for a Canadian publication on Southern Gospel. Known online to her internet friends as "CanChik", Lorraine began writing a monthly inspirational article entitled "CanChik's Corner" for www.johnlanier.com in 2002. This column began on www.sgmradio.com in January of 2005, a popular southern gospel music radio and information website which also publishes other features and interviews with her byline. ”Reality Check” is a monthly column relating the realities of living every day as child of God. Lorraine welcomes your comments and suggestions, and you can write her at sgmnut@yahoo.com. |