Ephesians 5:22-30

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.

From Bryan:

I have heard the preceding verse of scripture preached and taught many times. I have also heard verses 22 and 23 used as a “See, ladies it says to submit. AKA.. Obey your husbands!”

Yes, those verses DO say to submit.Yes, Christ is head of the church and the Husband is the head of the house.

However, that does NOT give us husbands the right to be a tyrant.

I believe that this ‘tyrant attitude” has caused some women to rebel so far away from the role that God gave them, all because they are treated as “slaves”, weak, fragile and non- important in the marriage relationship. No one wants to be treated that way. So, they become bitter , rebelling and end up being what we call; “Man Haters.” Many stay in the marriage but become harsh and unemotional.

THEN the husbands can’t understand why their wives “have such an attitude” all the time! The men can’t understand why their wives won’t support and affirm them.

Read verse 25.. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

How did Christ love the church? He truly did give His life for her. We were valuable to Jesus. He laid down everything to prove that. God gave us His best.

However, I think a lot of husbands are giving our wives the “leftovers” of our life.

Men work hard and play hard. Work, golf, hunting and sports all come before spending quality time with our wives.

I have heard men say “Every time, I want to play golf, my wife gives me grief.” Or, “My daughter has a soccer game this Saturday, but it’s opening day at the ball park.”

Your marriage and your family has to come FIRST before extracurricular activities.

Yvonne has helped me to realize that if I prove to her that she is second place (behind my relationship with God) that she will support me and the decisions that need to be made.

If she sees me working on my walk with Christ and if I love, honor, cherish, protect her AS Christ does the church, she will lovingly submit.
Yes men, lead your house. Be the man who were CREATED to be. Love your wife as Christ did the church.

From Y:
I heard a thought provoking point of view on wives submitting to their husbands recently. Our degree of resistance to submission is directly related to our submission to The Lord. Yup, you read that right. I immediately went to Eph 5:22 and, yes, it does say submit to your husband as unto The Lord. Okay- I pondered this for a while. I have come to the conclusion I must agree.

I , admittedly, am an independent person. I learned the hard way not to allow myself to depend on ANYONE ( even those who are suppose to love and protect you). In my world: people will abandon you, people will not protect you, people will not respect you and they WILL cause you pain.

When Bryan and I first were married, we had to learn to “dance”. If I truly wanted a Godly man to be the head of our household, then I needed to follow God’s word.

I believe at the end of the day it’s about submitting to God’s word. Both mates in the marriage must be unified in the foundation of the unity as ONE as God intended. Women will not be submissive to an abusive husband; whether the abuse is physical, emotional or verbal. It is that simple. If a man doesn’t lead is when the woman makes choices on her own. When a woman feels criticized for sharing her honest feelings ( mindful I mean in a calm and respectful way) she can become hurt, disappointed, feel unloved and certainly not loved in a way that Christ loves the church.

I think both spouses play a role. But , I believe, it starts with the husband. Then it is our response. It’s a cycle. A cycle that can either build love and trust or one that builds judgement and anger. Are there times that I may not agree with decisions? Yes, there are. Do I still support my husband? Yes. I will say though, that if I feel strongly about something, I voice my opinion. Most times, I would say, we come to a compromise or an agreement on how to handle the situation next time. The key to this is when the next time rolls around; handling it the way it was previously discussed and agreed upon. As a wife, my frustration only comes if there are moments or situations when I feel I am put behind as a priority in the decision making. That is because submission, as Christ instructs, comes because you are loved and adored. You don’t feel so loved and adored if a job, a relative, or a hobby are more important than you and your feelings. Or if hurting your feelings or not holding true to what’s the best decision because disappointing you is easier to deal with than disappointing a family member , buddy or boss. That’s not how it works and that is not protection.

I want a lasting marriage. I now understand that submission does not equal weakness. I want to be protected, adored and cherished. My suggestion is ask yourself – do you think God doesn’t know about unity? I believe he does. I believe he has given us the road map. We just have to chose to follow it.

From Both:

1) Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. (Colossians 3:19 NIV).

We must be careful in the way we speak to one another. A woman will become angry and bitter if she is spoken to in a way that feels demeaning. In general, it’s all in the delivery folks.

2) Do not punish each other by withholding affection.

Do you become less willing to hold hands or give loving touches because you are angry? You can say you aren’t upset…. But your actions can show something entirely different. Showing affection can be a way to put a disagreement behind you. It’s baby steps.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5 NIV)

3) Women, who believe their husband finds them beautiful, feel loved for who they are not what society tells them they should look like. Women need to feel valued.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30 NIV)

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4 NIV)

4) Trust.

So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own? (Luke 16:11, 12 NIV)

Be mindful. Be honest. Be transparent. Broken trust can take years to overcome.

5) Honesty.

Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want a relationship and how you want to be treated. Be honest with every aspect of your relationships, always. Be careful when your spouse is sharing their heart. If you respond by yelling and saying “why do you always say that?” or telling each other ” you’re wrong to feel that way” , guess what? They won’t share their heart with you again. You’ve told them , by the way you respond, that you are not a safe place to be honest. Remember, perception is their reality.

6) Forgiveness.

The willingness to admit that we are all human, and to forgive sincerely, is a sign of your emotional strength and maturity. It is a tough one. God can heal any hurt we have. We have to forgive and let him to do rest.

The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. (2 Corinthians 2:6-8 NIV)

7) Be the head cheerleader!

Does your spouse know you are cheering for them? Are you the LOUDEST or the “head” cheerleader? If not, why not? The one thing that we both say is that when something good or bad happens our first instinct is to call each other. Yvonne has called from a bathroom stall crying just needing to hear words of encouragement.

But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief. (Job 16:5 NIV)

8) Pray together.

It’s difficult to not be unified while praying together. Pray about everything – together.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:9-12 NIV)

Men, lead your households. Pray for discernment and strength.

Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. (Titus 1:7-9 NIV)

The Hutson’s2013